Blessed & Thankful.

These past few days I have had a lot on my mind - my freshman year of college is coming to a close, I am swamped with work as I prepare for final exams and I recently was in a car accident that could have easily taken my life.

Sunday, May 1, a group of 14 Belmont students (most I had never met before) departed from campus at 6 a.m. to Alabama to go sky diving.  I was one of three people designated to drive.  About 20 minutes in to the trip, I hydroplaned going 70 mph and smashed in to the median.  By the grace of God, myself and the three other people who were in my car walked away from the scene with hardly any scratches.  As I look back on the accident, the more I realize God's angels were protecting me that morning.  If a car had been in the lane to the left of me, if the median had not been there, if I would have smashed into the wall straight on, I'm not sure where I would be right now.  All of these "if's" have made me realize how incredibly blessed I am.  Although some thought I was crazy, I still went sky diving.  After a morning like that, I felt pretty invincible.  But as I was talking with my mom about the accident, she made me realize something - I had just conquered two death defying experiences...God must have some major plans for my life.  That is pretty awesome!

Along with being thankful for my life, I have been reflecting on my first year of college.  First of all, where has it gone?  I cannot believe it is almost over.  These past nine months I have grown tremendously - God has done some serious work in my heart.  This all began with Him placing some incredible people in my life - people who challenge me, people who make me want to be a better person, people who seek after the Lord each and every day that inspire me.  The list goes on and on.

As I sit at my desk, still sore from the accident and pretty unmotivated to work on anything finals related, all I can do is thank Jesus for the life He has granted me.

Well, back to studying it is.

Far more worthy than just a dab.

The past three weeks at my church, Crosspoint, Pete (the pastor) has been discussing the topic of marriage. When he began this series I thought to myself, "what could I possibly gain from this topic?"  Lo and behold, God has taught me a lot.  Specifically, this past week he preached about seeking God in a relationship.  Obviously this wasn't what struck me, considering I am not currently in a relationship, but towards the end of the sermon he talked about how so many relationships settle with "mixing God in their life."  What he meant by this is that so many Christians dab a little bit of God here and there, instead of living life for God.  But what does this mean?  I don't want to just attend church every week, do my daily devotions and get by.  I want to live for the one who graciously gave me the precious gift of life.  

Like I said before, God has taught me a lot through this relationship series.  Two weeks ago, Pete talked about putting your spouse's or boyfriend/girlfriend's needs before yours.  One of the key ways to have success in a relationship is to place your selfishness aside and realize that his or her needs are far greater than yours - that your love is intended to carry out acts of service.  Jesus shows us this type of love by demonstrating the ultimate act of service - being crucified for the sins of everyone.  I believe servanthood not only applies to dating relationships and marriage, but with people we encounter every day - whoever that may be.

Today I was talking on the phone with one of my best friends who just got back from a missions trip to Guatemala.  She told me all that God taught her on the trip, along with the amazing experiences she had while serving others - it wasn't necessarily working side by side with the people of Guatemala, preaching the Word of God, but most of it was preparing land and construction type duties.  You wouldn't normally think work like that is necessarily "serving."  However, the work they were doing will ultimately help further God's Kingdom.  I believe that God gives us multiple opportunities to serve, but we must take it upon ourselves to choose the attitude that goes along with it.  By allowing the Holy Spirit to capture our minds, we can think and make decisions just like Christ.  I believe this is the first step to comprehend (at least a little bit) what it means to live for God.

Hearing stories like the ones my friend shared with me today gets me so pumped to go out and be a vessel for my Savior.  For lent, I gave up secular music, so I've been listening to the Christian XM radio station whenever I'm in the car.  The other day a song came on with lyrics that said "I want my life to be an offering."  (or something like that).  But it really struck me - is my life an offering?  Does everything about my life scream "she is madly in love with Jesus Christ"?  I wanna say that is highly doubtful.  I don't just want God to be a dab here and there.  I don't want to "mix God in" whenever is convenient for me.  I want go out and serve because my God is far more than worthy.

Crowns for Jesus.

Philippians 2:12-13:

"Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear.  For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him."

This is the verse I want to continually be my prayer throughout this coming summer.  

I will be working at Springhill Camp in Seymour, Indiana.  I began attending Springhill in 4th grade.  I went almost every summer after that, up until my freshman year of high school, when I "moved up" to work on TST (Teen Service Team).  TST is a totally different experience than the regular camper experience.  Instead of staying for one week, you stay for two weeks, but as half camper/half staff.  It was probably the most tiring two weeks of my life - waking up at 5 am every morning, preparing the dining hall for all the little campers to eat, just to clean it up again.  It may seem as if I am complaining, but this was my attitude four years ago.  I was so caught up in my own self-regard, that I wasn't able to enjoy the service opportunity God had given me.  Now, don't get me wrong - I have so many memories from those two weeks that I will never forget, but my heart wasn't fully open to all God wanted me to learn.

However, I am determined to embrace all God has to teach me this summer, with an open heart.  I realize being a camp counselor for an entire summer is a huge commitment, but I can say, out of all the years looking forward to summer camp, I am - at the age of 19, by far the most excited I have ever been for camp.  

The first sentence of the verses in Philippians I shared before is actually only half of verse 12.  Paul is writing to the people in Philippi, encouraging them to be a light for Christ in this dark world.  He says:

"Work hard to show the results of your salvation."  

In reference to this coming summer, working hard - giving 100% for God is going to have multiple meanings.  I know there will be times this summer when I am just plain worn out.  I know there will be times this summer when I am homesick.  I know there will be times this summer when I just want to sleep in - just one day.  I know there will be times this summer when I will want to complain about the heat and all of those "Indiana mountains" I will be climbing on a daily basis.  But, working hard to be a light for the hundreds of kids I will encounter, far surpasses any 6 am wake up call.  Also (side note), verse 14 says:

"Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you."

This just goes to show how every word is divinely in the exact place it is meant to be.   

Okay, back to what I was talking about - the last part of verse 12 says:

"obeying God with deep reverence and fear."

Glancing over this, we often times don't take the time to fully understand the meaning of each word, knowing every word is there for us, for a reason.  The definition of the word "reverence" is:  "a feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe."  This means when I'm sweating, screaming camp songs that I've been screaming all summer long, surrounded by eight 12 year old girls, I can obey God - not because it's my job, but because I am in awe of my Savior, because my attitude should reflect the character of Jesus Christ.  Paul also says to obey God with fear.  Psalm 111:10 says:

"Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true wisdom.  All who obey his commandments will grow in wisdom."

This fear we are commanded to obey God with will make us grow in wisdom.  Another goal for this summer I have is to know God better.  That is a pretty broad statement, but God knows the desires of my heart, and I don't have any doubt that He doesn't want me to know Him better.

All of this is way easier said than done.  I can blog about this, and attempt to have this sort of attitude all summer long, but realistically, I cannot do it on my own - but guess what?  That is okay, because after Paul gives this command, he goes on in verse 13 to say:

"For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him."

God is capable of planting a desire in our heart to serve Him, no matter what the circumstance is.  All we have to do is ask!  

Lastly, I am sure you are wondering (if you've never been a Springhill camper) what the title of this post means.  Well, I will explain - anytime a group of people pray at Springhill, they all hold hands "boyfriend-girlfriend style."  Our fingers represent our strengths, and the spaces between represent our weaknesses.  When we hold hands like this, it symbolizes our strengths covering up the next persons weaknesses.  It seems corny, but if you think about it, it really is a very practical lesson.  

I am a sinner, yet He chooses me.

Recently I have been struggling with the idea of being sufficient enough for God to use me to further His Kingdom.  How could He possibly use a messed up person like me to make an impact?  I am fully aware that God works in ways that we as humans can't wrap our minds around - hence, the struggle I have been facing recently.  I frequently find myself feeling weak, which I am sure many of you can relate to.  I try and make it a habit to return to God's word in my times of weakness, which lets be honest - is a lot of the time.  This morning as I was reading Sarah Young's devotional, "Jesus Calling," there were two verses that I had to look up.  The first verse is Isaiah 30:15:

"This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:  'Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved.  In quietness and confidence is your strength.  But you would have none of it.'"

The second verse is 2 Corinthians 12:9:

"Each time he said, 'My grace is all you need.  My power works best in weakness.'  So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me."

Wow!  Talk about God speaking directly to what I needed to hear.  The verse in Isaiah is a reminder of the habit I need to strive for every day.  Not only returning to God's word throughout the day, but resting in Him - having confidence that He is so much bigger than my weaknesses.

The verse in 2 Corinthians is such an encouragement!  The Lord says, "My grace is all you need."  My goodness, that's awesome.  The Lord fills me up with His grace each and every day - how could I possibly loose confidence in a God that shows grace to such an unworthy sinner like me?  He then says that His power works best in weakness, and that the power of Christ can work through me.  Stating that His power works best in weakness implies that the Lord knows my weakness.  Why yes, the Lord knows everything about me - but He chooses to work through my weakness.  AND He works best in my weakness.  What a relief!

I am a sinner, yet God chooses to work through my weakness.  - I pray to confidently hold on to what God has revealed to me this morning.

God is love.

I realize that it is extremely cliche to write a blog about love on Valentine's Day, but now that I am an official blogger, it is bound to happen sometime - might as well be on the designated day of love.

First off, let me state that the world we live in has a completely skewed view of what love is.  Love is not the butterflies in our stomach we feel when we get around the person we "love."  Love is not the tingly feeling we get when that special someone reaches for our hand.  Love is not the gratitude we feel when we receive a bouquet of roses from our valentine.  Although it may seem like it, I am not trying to belittle these wonderful things, because God placed a desire in our hearts to feel something when we are around someone we care for, and to act on those feelings.  However, these feelings and acts of kindness cannot stand alone and be called love.  They are fleeting, which fortunately, leaves room for the love of God to fill us up.

The only way to understand what true love is, is to understand the unconditional love that God pours into our lives every single day.  As I am sure many of you are aware, 1 Corinthians 13 is known as the "chapter of love."  God uses the writings of Paul to explain to the world what true love really is.  God flat out tells us what true love should look like, yet we somehow drift away from this idea.

In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul explains that if we possessed all knowledge, if we had the ultimate faith, if we gave everything to the poor, but lacked to love others, we would have nothing.  This gives us a clear understanding of how important love is to God.  In verses 4-7, Paul gives a clear description of what true love is:

"Love is patient and kind.  Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.  It does not demand its own way.  It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

As this is a famous passage of Scripture, we tend to list these few verses off without really processing the words and more importantly, applying it to our own lives.  Many of us would like to believe that we do a pretty decent job at loving people.  But if we are being completely honest with ourselves, we are not even close to portraying the love that Paul describes to the church in Corinth.  This may be discouraging news, however, by the grace of God, He has given us the choice to become closer to achieving this kind of love.  He gives us this hope in 1 John 4:16-18:

"We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.  God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.  And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect.  So we will not be afraid of the day of judgement, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.  Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear."

The beginning of verse 16 reminds us of the knowledge we have of God's love for us - the ultimate act of love, which is seen in the famous John 3:16:

"For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life."

The second part of verse 16 states that "God is love."  This means that all of the characteristics of love that Paul gives us in 1 Corinthians 13 are seen through and in God.  We are so far from portraying this love, therefore so unworthy of having this love poured into our lives, yet God chooses to do so.  Wow.  He even goes as far to "live in us."

The beginning of verse 17 states that:

"As we live in God, our love grows more perfect."

Even the secular world would agree that no one is perfect.  As a believer, it is known that God is perfect.  Although we can never achieve perfection, God gives us the choice to allow our love to be more like the love described in I Corinthians 13 - only achievable through Him.

So really, who needs a Valentine when you have Jesus?

My heart, Christ's home.

Recently, a friend shared with me an excerpt from the book, "My Heart, Christ's Home" by Robert Munger.  I won't bore you with all four pages, however, I will give you an overview:

As we accept Christ into our heart, we are inviting Him into our home.  The man in the story says:  "Lord, I want this heart of mine to be Yours.  I want to have You settle down here and be perfectly at home.  Everything belongs to You.  Let me show You around."  Throughout the rest of the excerpt, Munger gives analogies of different rooms that are generally found in a home, representing parts of our mind.  The last analogy he gives is the hall closet, representing all of the trash in our lives that we attempt to hide from God.  The crazy part is, even though the closet was rotting, God asked the man for the key.  The man explains to God that he does not have the strength to clean the closet out himself.  God replies, "Just give me the key.  Authorize me to take care of that closet and I will." After God cleaned out the mans closet, he felt an overwhelming sense of relief.


The last paragraph of the excerpt is a request the man asks of God:

"A thought came to me, 'Lord, is there any chance that You would take over the management of the whole house and operate it for me as You did that closet?  Would you take the responsibility to keep my life what it ought to be?'

His face lit up as he replied, 'I'd love to!  That is what I want to do.  You cannot be a victorious Christian in your own strength.  Let me do it through you and for you.  That is the way.  But,' He added slowly, 'I am just a guest.  I had no authority to proceed, since the property is not mine.'

Dropping to my knees, I said, 'Lord, You have been a guest and I have been the host.  From now on I am going to be the servant.  You are going to be the owner and the Master.'

Running as fast as I could to the strongbox, I took out the title deed to the house describing its assets and liabilities, location and situation.  I eagerly signed the house over to Him alone for time and eternity.  'Here,' I said.  'Here it is, all that I am and have, forever.  Now You run the house.  I'll just remain with You as a servant and friend.'"


In this last paragraph, the part that sticks out to me the most is God's response to the mans request for Him to manage his entire home.  He says that He would love to and that is what He wants to do.  The fact that God desires to be a part of my messed up life, let alone manage it continues to amaze me every day.

I choose to be on the outside.

As this is my first blog, I believe it is appropriate for me to explain the title, "I am an outsider."  I extracted it from Needtobreathe's song, "The Outsiders."  I have always interpreted the term, "outsider" as a follower of Jesus Christ.  A portion of the song says:

"There's more to see on the outside, we choose to be."

Because I have chosen to be a follower of Jesus Christ, I can attest that this quote is spot on - there truly is more to see with the power of the Holy Spirit.